Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
