Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
