I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
