i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize
