I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
