I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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