I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
