Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
