You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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