If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
