Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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