I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
