I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
