I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
