Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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