i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
