There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
