We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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