How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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