I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
