just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
