how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
