Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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