why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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