I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Green mimosas i think yes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
