Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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