just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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