If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
