ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
