i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
