if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
