My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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