Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Don't make out with my wife yet
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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