Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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