the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
