I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
