My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
