i would punch a child for taco bell
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
