apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
