dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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