the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
