"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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