I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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