drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
