Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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