I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
