Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
