shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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