Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The Olympian is in my bed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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