stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
